Every day I log on in here to check how my little blog is doing, something tugs at my heart. People are still trickling in, in decent amounts to check what I’ve been up to. And for the most part I feel guilty. Guilty that I haven’t been in touch. That I haven’t been posting here regularly. That I’m not doing what all the experts advise. Heck, sometimes I’m even the worst at following my own advice. So I beat myself up. And start typing. And then save as drafts. Because I’m still healing. I don’t wanna rush things, and choosing to stay calm is finally working for me. For the first time in years, my cup is full.
Yes. Did I just type that? I’m starting 2016 with a full cup. I’m tired of the emptiness. And I will fight really, really hard to protect this full cup. Because it’s mine and mine alone. And that place of emptiness was really lonely. I don’t wanna go there again.
Hello beautiful. I love you so hard. If you’re still following me on this journey, this year will be a little bit different.
I’ve never really been big on resolutions. So I’m dropping them this year. I’m not making resolutions. And when the festivities died down and I started reminiscing on the direction I’d be facing this year, the one word that kept dropping in my heart was “simplify”. So I’m simplifying. I’m letting things be. I’m still the ambitious girl that writes over here, but things will be a lot more streamlined. Did you notice the subtle change on the site? I’m going for a simpler and cleaner look, almost minimalist. I chuckled slightly when I typed that.
I mean, me? A minimalist? For the most part, my life up until October 2015, had been anything but minimalist. I’m an incessant curator. A hoarder of ideas. A creator of multiple creative endeavors that were so many they stifled me emotionally and never saw the light of day.
Last year October, my daughter was sick and hospitalized. I naturally had to stay in the hospital with her. And as an immigrant in this country, I had no one to turn to. Hubby had to stay home with my son, and one night as I laid beside my daughter in our super comfy hospital room, I realized how much I’d been suffering emotionally. How empty my tank had been. How weary my small, frail body was, and how much my heart had begged for my attention. I ignored them all. I had been chasing the fleeting stuff. The multiple seven figure dreams. The things that were absolutely of lesser value than my well-being. My blood pressure was off the charts. I had constant chest pain. My body was giving me very serious signs, and my panic and anxiety attacks came back with full force. I panicked even more. And eventually I found my way, albeit reluctantly, to the ER in December 2015, because my body just couldn’t take it anymore.
I can’t remember the last time I sent a newsletter to my people. Me, a preacher of consistency. I have tens if not hundreds of blog posts sitting in my draft folder, five outlines for five different e-courses, and through the feelings of inadequacy and guilt I’ve been battling with, I came to this raw and honest realization: I can never impact the world around me, or serve anybody if my cup is empty. I need a full cup. And I need it right now.
On learning how to breathe, take a break, simplify and dig really, really deep to find out what makes me come alive. In 2016, you’ll see me bleed through these pages. Scary, but in a good way. Because I’ve chosen to write. Because I’m letting go. I’m choosing myself. And it feels really good. Almost therapeutic.
So here’s my pledge to you this year, I’m not committing to crazy schedules. I may not post regularly. If you’re on my list and you can’t stand not hearing from me, I’m honestly giving you the permission to unsubscribe. I need a full cup. And I need it right now.
As a part of restructuring and “going minimalist” (if you will), from now on, this site will only host my Copywriting services. I’m moving the design services over to a new site. Partly because of something very interesting I noticed in my Analytics. More on that in the coming months.
For the most part, I have been very silent about my anxiety and panic attacks. I’ve been silent about my postnatal depression. About most personal stuffs. Because as bloggers and business owners, we always want to look and sound cool. To make people following us feel like we have it all together. But really, I don’t wanna be “strong” anymore.
I crave more human interaction. I wanna meet more people. I wanna smell the rain. I wanna use my gifts to impact the world around me. No matter how small. And that’s why I’m starting a virtual workshop. For people who need help making their story attractive. Attractive enough to make money off of it. Deets coming very, very soon. That and maybe an e-course along the line. That’s all I’m doing this year. Nothing really dramatic. Because I really need to keep that full cup for as long as I can.
Thank you beautiful, if you’re still with me on this journey.